You know you're feeling better when ...

You know you're feeling better when you find yourself bouncing around the kitchen to Rihanna and you've found love, in a hopeless place. Duh duh du, de da da, duh duh du. Repeat. But it's that ascending, escalating run of beats from Calvin Harris that just has you getting crazier and crazier, shaking the hair and swinging your arms, thinking it can't go on any more surely, it's reaching its peak anytime now! BANG! And you're off again, taking wider steps around the dining room now, crouching down and jumping back up again. Shaking that ass! Jumping up and down on the spot. Repeat! "I'm alive!!!" And it's great!!!

It's the "after the storm" feeling when you realize how unwell you had been feeling. Hang on, stop the bus right now before I write anymore.... I'm gonna stop this writing in the third person malarkey right now. It's ME that has realized that it's only after the storm of illness, when I am feeling better, that I have actually been feeling very unwell and definitely NOT my usual self. That sounds clearer now. Sorry. Must write better. Innit?

It's a "pattern of behavior" (Note: this is one of my favorite phrases as some of you may already know. It means I've actually bothered to do some observing, reflecting and planning of what to do before I can say that phrase. Love that phrase cos it means I rarely make shit up on the spot about people). A pattern of behavior that I've noticed about how I cope with illness. Ive been quiet and not blogging for over a week now and it's because "I've not been feeling well". I can say that now because I now know that how I WAS feeling over the last week or so was not like how I am feeling today, i.e., Well again. Today the sun is energizing me not draining me. Today I felt like I wanted to do the washing not that I felt I ought to do the washing. Today I flung all the windows open - not close the curtains. Today I played the iPod real loud and danced around the kitchen but last week I couldn't bare the sound of music. I didn't switch it on from one day to another. Music, that thing that I love, that thing I can't live without, the thing that I depend on to pull me back into my happy place when I'm lost and scared and .... ILL. I couldn't stand it last week. 

What I have learnt about myself during this last bout of illness and recovery is that I don't have to know the reason why I'm "feeling" unwell. It's ok to just not feel well and out of sorts. It's allowed. I have to acknowledge and ACCEPT that for some reason my body is telling me that I need rest. I have to be more aware of how I am FEELING right now and then adapt to what my body needs right now. I have been through too much to try to shortcut the recovery. This is part of my new mantra for the new me. I am trying to stop thinking about how I SHOULD be feeling and just try to be in the present and be more in tune with what I need right now in terms of both physical and mental TLC. 

I think this is an important lesson I have learnt about myself. I guess it comes back to taking health for granted. You can end up totally screwed if you do that. Overall you could say I am not like that but I know myself and I know I can do better at keeping myself well. I just gotta recognize the signs and accept that all superheroes need to recharge their batteries. 

Flap Update:

Flappy is just over 2 months of age now. I am off the oral antibiotics thank the Lord Jesus and all the Saints! No more 3 nightly trips to pee during the night. Hanging out for a single decent nights kip. My appetite is back on board now as I am not fueling up 3 times a day on the antibiotic equivalent of battery acid, Flucoxacillin and its stable companion Probenecid (which is also a treatment for gout?!). I am still needing a lie down at 2pm each day so not quite got the stamina of a stallion back yet. Flappy had a check up with the surgeon yesterday. As I am off the antibs we now have the "wait and see" approach in terms of further infections in the area. I'm having an ultrasound in the next couple of weeks to see if the gap that housed the bugs has shrunk or if there's still a wee house in there waiting for new residents to move in. Hoping it has been demolished and my new anatomy has re-jiggled itself to prevent any further infections. Only time will tell I guess. But I'm not gonna live with that monkey on my back. Me and J have vowed that we will deal with it if it comes back and share the vigilance that will be needed to ensure we get to ED ASAP at the first sign of trouble in the flap.

Other News:

Got to visit the lovely South Island city of Dunedin last weekend. It was NZ fashion week and there were several iD events on in town. I went to a talk by the NZ designer Kate Sylvester who spoke about which artists influence her collections which was really refreshing to see in terms of her creative process. Went to the beautiful Aromoana. St Clair Beach was a favorite too. Managed to fit a lot in between sleeping for half the day! Do you now I went shopping, not that bought anything just 6 balls of wool!, and I walked for 3 hours! I came back and felt like I needed a hip replacement! It made me think of my poor mom who I would walk the length of corporation street in Birmingham, in and out of C&A shopping all day long on a busy Saturday! No wonder she looked knackered at the end of it. I know how she feels now! Here's some photos of my few days away... Nice to be back writing again, thanks for reading....