To be a writer you gotta write

Blimey has it been THAT long? Just read last post from mid-July, me going on about needing to write huh? Me not writing a blog post in 2 months? Huh? What must you be thinking? Well I've already had  one concerning message so i think i better re-group with you guys. You have been in my thoughts believe me and i have been meaning to blog to keep you up to speed on my short comings and goings.
So firstly, significant date coming up tomorrow. 9 months since flappy was conceived. Flappy is well and truly ready for this world. Ready for a new name i think. You know how a baby is given a pet name while its still hibernating in the womb? You know, like peanut or womble or baby? Then baby gets a real name when born. Well i think im at that point with flappy. I think flappy has outgrown, matured and no longer suits its flappy name. No, its flappy no more! Flappy is part of me, like stretch marks, part of me, a beautiful part of me. (Did anyone else pick up the Shirley Valentine line there?). So.
I almost forgot about the metal! Sticking out of my neck! I wondered why my scarf got extra attention going through security at Frankfurt airport recently. One of those Docs actually staple gunned me can you believe it? First i knew about it was frickin 6 months after my op and im in the shower and my scrunchy gets caught up on flappy! What the actual F? So i take a closer look in the mirror and would you believe it there's a pointy bit of steel poking out the front of my neck! I give it a bit of a tug and it comes out a little but then stops. Doesnt budge. Well that ain't going anywhere! Mmmmm. I remember then that the doc said a staple might show up at some point but to "give it a tug with some sterile tweezers" Er, yeah right Doc, Ill pass on that if you dont mind cos Im not too sure if that thing is connected to a major blood vessel and with me not having completed 7 years of medical training, forgive me but Im not feeling too confident on performing this procedure. Ok? Move along please. Thank you!
Fortunately, the experts at the dressing clinic whipped it out in no time and i was in and out of that hospital car park without having to pay any parking charges! Winning!
Here's a few pictures of what ive been upto lately. I've been so long away Google stole my photos from Picassa and I had to breakdown their firewall to get these shots uploaded onto here. The top shot up above is the latest in headbands from Sassy Roo. Loving the mustard colour there. Here's a couple more from our Sassy collection:

Me and J headed back to the motherland in August for a catch up with family and friends. It was one of the most relaxing holidays we've had back in the UK. Lovely to see everyone looking so well. We stopped in Vancouver on the way over and were lucky to see the Picasso exhibition on the women in his life, phew what a life he had. Brought back memories of the time we spent in Antibes, South of France in 1994. We sat on the beach looking across the water at Pablo's house there. Eating canned tuna, french baguettes and green olives washed down with $1 bottle of cheap red wine. Heres Pablo in action in a movie filmed at that very house in Antibes, not by us of course, hahahaha!

Vancouver:

York for a day!

Back to NZ for a weekend in Wainui bay in the Coromandel. Beautiful spot and a wonderful weekend with lovely people. Helped us beat the post holiday blues and the jet lag! 

So thats me! Me and my beautiful sassy niece are pumping out products for a few market stalls we"re doing in the next few weeks. Looking forward to getting out and seeing what everyone thinks of our stuff. Exciting times.

6 months post surgery update

Life is a roller coaster you just gotta ride it! Lovin a bit of Ronan when you can't sleep! I'm all itchy in my head it's like I'm wired on too much caffeine but I know I've not overdone the lattes today. I had like, one only, and that was at midday. I've had this before, this feeling. I am insomniacal from time to time but it's usually when I'm stressed or got too much on my mind. But I'm definitely not stressed. I'm wired. Like I've got something I need to say but can't get the words out. I have definitely felt this before. And I overcame it with a good ....... Writing session. Yes! I needed to write! When it happened before, that feeling of itchiness in my mind, I blogged and couldn't believe the relief I got afterwards. It was such a release! Oh man! Woman and child! But I couldn't really say that out loud that it was the writing that I needed to do, cos that would mean I think of myself as a writer, and I don't, well I don't want to say it out loud. But it's what I'm beginning to think I might need to be. A writer. Oh god, there, now, I'm going to have to have seven years bad luck or something! It's ok, nobody's reading this shite anyhow. 

Anyhow back to the blog. I've been meaning to write but I've been upto my ears in beanie making! You wouldn't believe how popular these beanies are! We've had to launch adult size beanies now! Matching beanies are trending on Instagram as I write, there's whole families of them, mom AND dad joining in the beanie craze! Once bitten by the beanie bug they're coming back for more, in different colours! We also have a stockist now, "Little Haven" in Pinehaven, they have some very cool things for sale in there and do lovely coffee. It's awesome! We're loving it! 

I was so busy with the beanie buzz I almost let my 6 month post surgery date slip by without sharing with you. July 14th was actually a Thursday too. I quietly let it creep up on me and wallowed in it the whole day thinking "this time 6 months ago....". It was mine to own. Without anyone else being brought back into that world of uncertainty and worry that was my life back in January. I just sat on it. Reflecting. Feeling. Comparing how I feel now compared to how I had felt before the surgery. Way before the surgery. Like years and years before. I still get "ghost" feelings. Still occasionally feel like I have a patch over the holes in my neck. It's a weird sensation. A reminder. But I have never felt that I should have done this year's ago. It still honestly feels like it was the right time. All the ducks in a row, everyone on board, focused, ready. January 14th 2016. Reboot. Switch me off and on again. Upgrade completed. 

So what did we do to celebrate 6 months? We took flappy out to our favorite Italian restaurant, Fratelli's and I ate a bowl full of the fluffiest gnocchi ever! Soft clouds bobbing about in a four cheese sauce with tomato salsa and a smidgen of Italian sausages. Mmmmmm mmmmmm. I'm not even gonna think about what I was eating 6 months ago but it wasn't freakin homemade gnocchi! Seriously, Jamie Oliver when are you gonna sort the hospital food out?!?!?! 

Oh there goes the first serious yawn! I must be reaching the bottom of the writing pool reserve for tonight. Well I'm glad I reconnected tonight. Better to get this all down in black and white rather than leave it spinning around in my head. At the very least I can look back on this post and see what I ate for dinner on Friday night hahahahaha hahahahaha!!!!!!!! 

One more thought to leave you with.......

Sassy Roo

So this is what I have been getting up to when I'm not blogging about myself! You thought I had been a bit quiet lately, eh? No news is definitely good news! I couldn't be more happy at the moment with this new venture that has me and my niece on the ceiling with excitement! We are Sassy Roo and we make beautiful, warm and cosy beanies for babies upto 2 years old. Come and check out our Facebook page (search for Sassy Roo) or see us on the "felt" website click here: Sassy Roo on Felt website

It's been a hoot! The best bit is me and my niece get to spend a lot more time together and that can only be a good thing! I LOVE crocheting. Its becoming an obsession. I need to walk away from the hook now and then otherwise I get "crochet eyes"! It's like my lenses are fixed on an object 20 cm in front of me all the time. I do actually resemble an addict. Slouching round the house, looking for my next fix of wool. I just can't get enough of it! But hey, I know it can't possibly last. I'm not gonna make a million making beanies. Ill always be chasing that first fix. I'll have to come back to the real world at some point. Or maybe this is just the beginning of the story?

Doing what you love with those you love is the ideal job I reckon. I really think this comes through in the product too. I love every one of the beanies I make.  I guess thats why we call ourselves Sassy Roo made with "love"!

We have been "live" for one week today and have over 200 likes on our FB page. Thank goodness for the young and social media-savvy generation! We'll be compiling a flyer to send out by pigeon post for everyone else! To celebrate 200 likes in our first week were doing a giveaway on FB so check it out if you're on Facebook.

Well I better get back to the wool and hook. Its calling me!

Sign off!

Today was a pretty special day. A full circle day. An opportunity to thank the surgeons and airheads (anaesetists! Cannot spell this word even now!) and nursing staff who cared for me, and who cared for J it has to be said. D-day was 5 months ago already! It feels a lot longer. I have really come a long way in this short time - it's incredible. It is so easy to forget the journey once you get back into the grind of the everyday life. Once you've stopped living from one nap to another!

Look at me now, I'm not blogging half as much! Must be feeling better! Don't need this anymore do I? Far more interesting things to be doing is it? Too much Tipping Point and Coronation Street if truth be told! No that's not true. I've been creating. But more on that later. Back to today...

So this afternoon, me and J had what turned out to be our final outpatient appointment with Dr Griff Rhys Jones at Plastics, Hutt Hospital. We were loaded down with bottles of Pinot Noir and chocolates galore and lovely cards filled with thank you and You're awesome! As we waited the obligatory hour we reflected on how wonderful it was to be there without those pesky butterflies in our stomachs. The waiting room was packed and I felt a fraud, as I usually do, looking around the room wondering what these people are having to deal with today. The little toddler not much older than our great nephew, the middle aged ladies, the younger lads, the older couple, those on their own at their first appointment. What will their journey involve and how long will it be? What support do they have? What will they have to face? Then I thought about my own journey. Well this section of it anyhow. I am so glad I started this blog. Cos I'd never be able to really remember the details of how I felt at the time. It's like when you go on holiday. You live it at the time but it gets condensed into a little pocket in your memory. If you don't take pictures you won't believe you were even there! God help us all when we hit the dementia years! It's bad enough now!

Dr GRJ was a little emotional when we gave him his present. Maybe he doesn't get too many gifts from patients. He had already given me the once over in terms of flappy. I said do you wanna have a  look? And he remarked, "Not wearing a scarf today?". Nice he noticed cos it was a big deal for me to let flappy run free as a bird. It was bloody freezing today so the scarf was in me bag! Hahahaha! Don't want flappy catching a cold. "Oh there's a couple of staples that might work their way through". Mmmmmm he's looking for an excuse to see me again. "Well if you can't pick them out with a sterile tweezers pop some betadeine on and a dressing and come back. Well take them out under a local anesthetic". Right you are then, cos sterile tweezers are things I normally have in me bathroom cabinet. Blimey the district health board is really under the pump if they're pushing DIY plastic surgery! Best pop to Bunnings for some supplies!

We said our goodbyes and hoped we'd ne'er meet again! You know what I mean. I bet we keep bumping into each other in the supermarket. Can't imagine him doing the weekly shop though. Or DIY for that matter. Well he'd have the perfect excuse wouldn't he? Maybe I should've got him a voucher for a manicure! Nah, that's all a bit "Nip n Tuck" and he's definitely not US TV serial material. Well he'll always have a place in my heart and I'll be forever grateful for this man walking into my life.

So what have I been upto lately? Well June has been a busy month with both our birthdays. We went to Nelson for Queens birthday weekend for the Ceol Aneas Irish music festival. We usually take our instruments and do the music workshops. This year we just wanted to relax and mooch around. It was a great weekend. Weather was amazing. Really love Nelson. Then we had a weekend in Wellington which was gorgeous and filled with good food, lovely waterfront walks and shopping. Winter is truly here so we've been cooking lots of yummy soups and J has been mastering his baking skills. Oh boy his cakes are amazing! He's a natural! They all rise! Banana cake, rhubarb cake, ginger cake and the latest is chocolate cake with chocolate sauce! Awesome!!! You'd think with all this cake I would be the size of a house but I'm not. Still struggling with my weight. I'm mainlining protein shakes now. Ah well maybe they liposucked me when they relocated my abs.

Creatively speaking I finished the mosaic mirror I was working on. Here's Woody doing the final quality checks...

And for my birthday I got my first power tool!!! Very exciting! A twist-a-saw. Does everything like sanding, cutting, engraving. Looking forward to getting medieval with that little puppy. No not a REAL puppy, you know what I mean.

But the project that has me all excited and busy is something me and my lovely niece have been conjuring up. But you'll have to catch up with me later on this cos it's way past my bedtime!

I really wanted to blog today because this is a huge milestone that we've reached. And with ensuing normality it is easy to overlook days like these. So here it is, in black and white, in Reeniesblog - CLOSURE. That's a good word for it. CLOSURE.

See horses not zebras

I've just finished reading a memoir called "When breath becomes air" about a neurosurgeon who has lung cancer which spreads to his brain. He died in his mid-30s in the prime of his life. This is all very poignant that a Dr used to dealing with death would have to confront his own and consider the meaning of his life in the process. Many of the steps along the way to the diagnosis ring true, the denial of the pain and tiredness at the beginning, not prioritizing this but instead putting it down to over work, long hours on his feet. I'm not suggesting that we should run to the Dr with any twinge but how many times do we hear that a friend/colleague or family member left it too late to go to see the GP? And how many times have you hassled your loved one to go and see the GP, only to have your head bitten off for over caring? Keep hassling I say.

Drs are taught to look for horses and not zebras when a patient walks through the door. Go with the majority verdict. If they come back in 2 weeks then send them for a scan. Fair enough you might say, restricted budgets and all. But how many do come back in 2 weeks or do they leave it for a month, or 2? Add on 4 weeks for the waiting list for a CT and you're several months away from the original complaint. And if it is something serious, like cancer, well you've just given cancer a head start I the race. So, google it. Yep, first stop for a diagnosis is the WWW. Scare the shit out of yourself why don't you! We all do it. 

Going back to the zebras, beautiful aren't they? Sometimes it works in reverse. Sometimes when I walk into a Drs surgery and meet a new Dr they see my list of treats and see the zebra first. I probably don't help with Mr Google under my arm and not allowing the Dr to get a word in edge ways.  So this week I have a bit of a bronchial cough and will get it checked out at the GP, hoping she'll see the horse and give me antibiotics. 

Paul Kalanithi was the name of the neurosurgeon. It is his almost poetic, philosophical voice that stays with me. His first love was literature. He died before completing this book. He ran out of time. 

None of us know when our time is up. It's a cliche. Play another record. We're almost immune to it. Too many funerals go by with us repeating the same old same old. Make the most of life. Live life to the full. Don't sweat the small stuff. Try to find good in everyday. Treasure every hour with a loved one. Kiss your lover hello, goodbye and goodnight. Don't put off til tomorrow what can be done today, is an oldie but goody! What is it that you've always wanted to do? Then do it.

Creativity Update
I've just finished a crochet tank top. I think tank tops are going to be the new black. Was inspired by my Dutch friend El so can't claim to be very original here! So I'm happy with it but can't wear it yet until I grow into it! I'm a little under my ideal weight at the moment so it's a bit baggy under the arms. Here it is:

The other project I am working on is a mosaic mirror for my friend Sho. Can't put a picture up though cos it's a surprise. But most of the tiles are down now and next will be the grouting.

The other project I've got going is definitely at the prototype stage. It's my projector project where I enlarge an image and transfer it to wood and jigsaw the hell out of it! Here's a picture so far:

I'll either mosaic this one or go ahead with the protoype painting using spray paint with a metallic effect. It's all new to me. I loved using the jigsaw as it was just like using a sewing machine. But I didn't like the reverb on the drill! Thanks to J for the demo. 

So that's all from me. Apart from to say that I've been catching up with friends over the last couple of weeks. It's been absolutely awesome. I have guzzled down every word and taken them home and reflected and laughed to myself. Not just the real life friends but also the virtual ones too. Laughter is the cure all and how I love to laugh. And it's with friends that we laugh so freely. Have a great week. Find something to laugh at. This cracked me up this week... Hope the link works...Mom with Star Wars mask

It's May!!!

What a glorious day!
The weather has been soooo kind. I'm so enjoying it right now. To think that when I was in the throws of recovery, just after getting out of hospital, the sun was splitting the rocks and I was so not interested in it. Wasted on me, the whole scorching hot summer. Endless days of scorchio. From January to May all I cared for was a room with a bed and heavy curtains! Or sat in front of Downton Abbey in the lounger with the curtains drawn to hide the sun from the TV screen at 2 in the afternoon. Shocking! So now I am so thankful that scorchio is still here and I can appreciate it sitting here on the covered deck tapping away.
So was anyone else a little surprised that yesterday was the 1st of May? We're almost halfway through the freakin year people! What have we got to show for it? Where's that New Years resolution list gone? Well by way of a kick up me own arse I vowed to myself last night that come this morning I will start actively DOING rather than thinking about the list of stuff I wanna do this year. There's only so much prepping you can do. Did you know that you can qualify as an honorary member of the Church of the Latter Day Saints if you can show you have stockpiled 3 months supply of wool in the event of a creative apocalypse? I have enough wool to insulate the entire house and the air aid shelter (google it up kids).
My day started at 6.30am with Pet Rescue. Woody brought a bird in the house, alive. It was like Tom and Jerry (You Tube it up) in the kitchen, plates, pans, water bowls going everywhere. He hasn't really got a killer instinct, he just brings them home to hang out. Never kills them. They usually die of shock. Anyhow this little bird was cornered by the bookcase on the floor. I grabbed a blanket and chucked it over the two of them. Dragged Woody out and then scooped up Birdy in the blanket to take him downstairs for release. I opened up the blanket and he flew straight off. Excellent start to the day. Back to bed with a cuppa and a surf of the net. I didn't stay there long what with the wailing banshee of a cat outside the door.
New cereal for breakfast today, fit for Ironman himself!

Back to the creative jobs for the day. Now can I include two rounds of washing, hoovering the house and cleaning the bathroom floors? OK, no it is a bit of a stretch especially as ma was helping too! What about an omnibus edition of Corro? Sorry! I know it's not exactly Dostoyevsky (ok so I googled the spelling whatever's!). Well I did take up J's trousers! 

I did make a start on my projector project:

Templates drawn ready to project and enlarge! And we're off........

GONE noroVIRAL!

We've had an unexpected visitor who has ripped havoc through our family this week. It's only now that I am able to talk about it. Never before have I felt so drained and exhausted. J has been blown over too. The big man was floored on Saturday and is still reeling today. It all started a week last Friday......

The little un has been fast approaching his first birthday and all plans were set in motion weeks ago for the party on Sunday 17th April. Cake duties were split between myself (defaulted from J due to all day bike ride on Saturday 16th in wop wops. Gawd!) and grandad H (chief icer). 5 loaves pre-ordered from bakery to be sliced by the baker (learnt that trick from the christening! Still have the callouses from the knife!) for ham and tomato sandwiches. Presents wrapped (including DIY monkey - see previous post) and cards written. Fifty million small plastic balls bought for DIY junglerama in the paddling pool. All set for Sunday's party. 

So, a week ago last Friday, the little un has a bit of a barf in his push chair after a busy morning chasing balls in the official Junglerama. Teething perhaps? Yeah. Cheeks are a bit flared. Goes to bed that night and mum is woken by a gurgling sound and there's little un covered in spew in his cot. Poor wee mite. He's all out of sorts next day and just before bedtime mum is up hurling too. On the hour every hour she's up spewing through out the night. This is Saturday night. Night before the party. So next morning she's absolutely exhausted. Cancels the party (very sensible) and reschedules for the 30th. Thank goodness for the power of Facebook! She's back to bed and dad's taking over the little un. So he's next in line. Hits him Monday night. Ugh. On the hour every hour. Has to try to get it together though to attend a funeral on Tuesday! Passes the baby baton back to mum who's still gotta get herself in order to go with him. Meanwhile me and great-nanny Ann step up to baby sit for a few hours on the Tuesday. Thinking little-un is well over his barfing so it's just a couple of nappy changes and some feeds. No signs of any spewing. All good. Baby goes home. We go to bed. I'm up the next day to get flappy checked, hit the Sweet Vanilla Cafe for a cheese scone and a latte, meet a friend in town, pick up some craft tools, visit the new Bunnings in Petone, take a wrong turn and am heading back to Welly, running out of petrol, gas-up, on my way again! Having a great day. head home to mamma to watch a bit of Tipping Point. Perfick. 

Until 4 o'clock.

Searing pain in my belly button. Argh. Need toilet. The big "D" in vomiting and diarrhea hits me. Ugh! Then the big "V" shows itself. Dramatically. Epically. Projectiled. I can't lift my head off the toilet bowl. Holy Fuck! What is this? Ugh. Bed. Half hour later I'm up again. V. I hate it. 5 hours I managed of this trotting to chuck. It's inhumane. It was like gastric plus flu. Gastric flu. Pains in the bones and fever. My head was on fire but my feet and hands were freezing. Whatever was in my system it was having an all night rave. After each hurl I lay in bed like I had main lined Rohypnol. I couldn't even move my lips. Boot camp for bugs. That's what I was doing.

By 9pm I was able to move from the bed to the sofa but still lay horizontally, moaning. I felt like I'd been run over. Now, you know, avid readers that I can confidently state that I do have a high threshold for pain. I have visited my happy place to relieve anxiety and pain on many occasions. But this battle with this particular bug was like Sigournet Weaver in Aliens (the one with all those British actors in it don't know which Alien movie it was darn it). "It will pass. It will take its course. It will be over. Soon. Ish". It did stop. The "V". And my first solid passed reminded me of my time in hospital and made me smile. How good it feels to move yer shit after you've been on a holiday in hell. 

So it's now Thrusday morning and I am totally wiped out like a rag doll. Stomach muscles, check. Flappy, check. Throat, errrrrrr, nah, sore throat!!!!! Argh! No way. Stripped and bare my poor throat is on fire. FFS! It's like those first few days after surgery. You know when you think they've let off a thousand ants in your mouth. There's nothing like being starving, not "V"ing and not being able to swallow - to bring you right down. I was sooo sooo over it. AND it was little-uns birthday, the actual one, and I wouldn't be able to go and eat the freakin cake!!! Right that's it I headed straight for the Watties tinned cream of tomato soup and sank right into its velvety creaminess, like a cat, swimming backstroke I was. Yummmmy yum yum. I wouldn't look at it normally, the tinned soup section. Oh no, it's all Go-Nakeds all the way (that's a brand of soup not Tuesday nights in New World Supermarket Thorndon!).

But there's more to the week that was from hell. J and great nanny ann set off to see the little un on Thursday night. J is out to work as usual Friday. We're all set to head to the beach for the long ANZAC weekend. We have our usual Friday night take out. Go to bed. And at 5am J is up "V" and "D" ing. "I've got the bug". What The Actual Fuck? This thing is flying through us like, er, flies? OMG. I seriously think the bug was twice as bad for J. Maybe it mutated? J still has it. It's funny, well not funny, But it's cute that we both share the same language while we're hurling. "THis is a fuc*ing Bast*rd" was one I remember. 

I headed to the t'internet, as you do, to get to the bottom of what we were all experiencing. A couple of other family members affected reckon it was worse than campylobacter and well that is saying something eh. I reckon we had Norovirus come to stay. Ripped right through all of us........ Except for great nanny ann, fingers crossed. Shes been with me all week while I've been ill and she's been around the baby and now J. 

Must be the fags. It's the only difference between us!!!!!! 

Long may she remain symptom less. Here's a link to Norovirus with all the symptoms we had.... Norovirus info click here

3 month milestone

Celebrating my 3 month milestone with a mini bottle of bubbles. Three months ago was D-day. January 14th. Wow. I am so grateful in so many ways for being alive and well today. So grateful for the love and support from my family and friends. All those positive vibes helped me heal. I am still healing. There are ups and downs. But everyday I am grateful for being here. Loving and cherishing every day as best I can. Hoping my guardian angels can take a vacation now. Cheers everyone! 

Vaya con dios - farewell

Today has been a long, hard day for many of us, for one reason or another the sky seems darker this evening. This song keeps turning in my head this evening. 'Vaya con dios' is a farewell song. Translates as 'Go with God'. The aunts were singing it in an earlier blog post. That was a great night of reminiscing about who sang what song at the family parties years ago, "what was your party piece?" Great to have captured a few songs that night on video. Precious times. Golden moments. Memories we will treasure long after the heartache and loss we feel when someone we love is taken too soon. 

We make memories everyday. Here's one of mine from today. I had just finished putting together some folders of lyrics of songs the family used to sing. Ready to give to the aunts as keepsakes. I have a cd of 27 songs that my uncle GJ put together so I put this on and mom picks up one of the folders, finds the song and gets right into it! An hour and a half later and she's still going... Check out the video above. 

This was my stop and smell the roses moment today, it had the music, the memories, the mamma and the poignancy in the lyrics. Goodnight and God Bless. 

Relishing a new skill

I've been dying to try my hand at bottling, preserving, chutney making, whatever you wanna call it for ages now. So our one and only crop of veggies this season has been the cherry tomatoes. With all the hoo-ha around my unexpected surgery and all the flapping around with flappy post surgery has meant we weren't really paying much attention to the veggie patches. We'd planted the tomatoes and lettuces and had high hopes of replenishing the coriander and maybe chucking in a couple of courgette plants but nah it was all a bit too much under the circumstances. The lettuces grew into conifers and the dwindling coriander went to seed. Ah well there's always the tomatoes. Slow to start they didn't really kick in until after Christmas and then they bloomed and bloomed and kept on giving until we harvested 2kg of the little gems:

I surfed the net for instructions on sterilizing the pots and picked Jamie's easy tomato relish recipe to try. It's been a bit of a team effort with J tending the little treasures in the garden, me and himself cooking up the relish and me potting them up into the final product. We only have 2 small jars of the stuff. Limited edition I'm calling it! Sooooo precious. I only used half a kg of tomatoes just in case the relish was awful or I screwed up the bottling. Haha! Bit of a clinical trial going on here! I won't know if it's safe for human use until one of us tries it out. "Hey mom....."

So now I've got 1.5kg of cherry tomatoes left to play with I'm going to try Annabel Langbeins relish which has mustard powder and curry powder in it. I reckon I'll then buy a jar from the shop and do a blind randomized placebo trial and see whether it really is worth all the freakin effort to make your own preserves!

Meanwhile at the craft table today.....

Woody was keeping my seat warm

A blank canvas

Today's activity was clearing out the garage to make space for my craft table. Me and mom got stuck into it this afternoon. I've got the whiteboard - ideas board - in place too. Looks completely barren of creativity doesn't it! That's cos all the ideas are in my head spinning around! Excellent! A fresh start. It's amazing how many treats and treasures lay buried in my boxes of craft gear. I reckon I've got everything except glass blowing tools in our garage! Mmmmmm sniffs of jack of all trades and master of none I hear you cry! Well maybe I get bored easily? I found an unfinished mosaic mirror amongst the loot so that will be one project that will get me back in the creative groove and recharge the batteries. I rediscovered my charcoals, watercolor paints, colored pencils, felt tips, mosaic tiles, mirrored glass, pottery tools and an endless supply of paper clips! All is well in my world. 

Monkeying around town

I can't believe that it hasn't even been 3 months since D-day, surgery. A week Thursday will be 3 months to the day that I went in for the do or die session with the surgeons. April 14th is a Thursday and it will be 3 months to the day. It's beginning to feel a lot like Christmas, I have to say. What I mean is I am beginning to feel that each day is less of a milestone and more of a normal, what shall we do today day. Which is nice.

I've also had a couple of trips into Wellington for dinner with family and mooching with J. It's like I am resocialising. Getting used to being around people. Only now that I have been enjoying the company of others can I look back and realize that there were times when being in a group of people was difficult for me. It's like your nerve endings are super sensitive and any loud laughter or talking feels amplified to the point that you wanna scream and tell everyone to feck off out of there. But it's not their problem. It's mine. The only other time I felt this way was after my dad died and we were out in Moseley at Kavanaghs and the place was packed, the usual Friday night crowd, but every screech of laughter was like a needle being poked in my ear. That was grief. This was like grief but there's no name for it except post traumatic stress disorder. Do you know you can get post surgical depression six months after surgery? I had no idea. My GP told me. I went to see her last week to ask her to check my thyroxine levels cos I was feeling up and down and my sleeping was crooked. Nah she said all was within normal range and if anything she would increase my dose. It was my first check in with her since before D day so we took some time to go through what had been happening to me and the various milestones and knock backs along the way. At the end of it she said I'm actually more concerned that you may develop post-operative depression. It's common even in patients who have had successful surgery apparently. So I'm going to be on the look out for the black dog but if any of you see it hanging around me please let me know so I can do something about it. 

On the creativity front, checkout "monkey boy" that I made today. He's a cutey and he's for another cutey monkey boy that I know who will be turning one soon! He's kind of current, it being the Chinese year of the monkey. I'm a monkey too. And so is J. Years ago me and J were walking through Birmingham city centre, down by the old Hippodrome when it was closed down and there were only a few dodgy nightclubs down that end of town. It was broad daylight and we had just been to the markets. We were heading home and this old boy shouts out of nowhere, "Hey you", there's no one else around, "you, ya have the head of a monkey!". "He must be talking to you John, your 3 inch quiff must be freaking that old guy out!".

Kick starting creativity

I've given up on the 65millionartists project, you know the one in the UK that is aiming to inject creativity into every UK resident, cos I've not heard anything from them at all. No creativity challenges have been sent to me. Probably cos they know I'm not a UK resident and I'm also a year too late for their challenging research data which they are probably analysing right now. So I've gone and found my own creativity challenge! This book has a different creative challenge on every page. Now I'm keeping my expectations on the down low here people so I'm not anticipating completing ALL the freakin challenges in this book nor am I setting any particular timelines. Cos I'm still in "recovery" and under the microscope in terms of awake hours..... "How's your day? You're not overdoing it are you?" Needing my legs on the bed in the afternoons still. And I'm only managing a maximum of 3 hours of listening and chatting and general socializing activity before my eyelids start drooping. But I'm keen to recharge the creative batteries to see if I can surprise myself. Here's the first challenge in the book.....

Wanna join me in this challenge? 

What I'm reading right now:

What I'm gonna read next:

What I'm watching on TV:

Corro - probably a year behind the UK so no spoilers please! Just passed the bit where Tina got pushed off the balcony and all the dirty secrets are out in the open! Class soap opera writing. 

Code black - it's like ER on speed. Fast, technical, OTT, not real at all. Addictive. 

True Detective 2 - WTactualF is going on? Colin Farrell and Rachel Adams, is it her?, are acting really well but I haven't a clue what's going on. Only 10 more to go.

Hair - to normality and beyond!

This is me, flap side up, on Saturday 25th March 2016. Just smashed another milestone.... The first hair do post surgery! That's me 10 weeks post surgery. Colored, cut and styled. 

Don't underestimate what a great hair do can do for your self esteem. Never have I needed this more than I have today after the roller coaster ride I've been on over the last 10 weeks. I remember one of the first questions I asked Dr J, my surgeon who looks uncannily like Griff Rhys Jones, was when will it be safe to go to the hairdressers? His response, "what sort of things happen at the hairdressers?". I guess with a tidy short back and sides Dr J wouldn't know about the hidden perils of the backwash basin, the chemicals in the colour, the hot irons for flappy. Of course I, we, were apprehensive about maybe colour contaminating the beautiful flap or a stab of the scissors or a brush with the straightener at 140 degrees. Yeah but nah. Seriously. You're dealing with a professional here. And that's not me I'm talking about no, that would be my freakin amazing too hot to trot hair stylist who welcomed me this morning with "you look amazing, like you haven't had anything done!" and later after having a squizz at flappy, "they have done an incredible job". 

This is so good to hear because flappy really is an incredible work of magnificence that I am so proud of and so proud to have gotten through successfully. Yes I am saying, now, successfully. Yesterday I had an ultrasound of my neck and they couldn't find what they were looking for (there's a song in there somewhere). There is no gap, the bug cave has shrunk down to nothingness. Another step towards normality. Whatever life throws at flappy in the future I believe I am now in a much better position to defend flappy against the imposters that may pray upon the soul of flappy. As my surgeon said "it's a different clinical picture now". The gap has been closed, the holes in my neck have been covered, I am no longer exposing my spine to the elements, I am no longer on prophylactic antibiotics. Time to set the monkey free from my back. 

You know you're feeling better when ...

You know you're feeling better when you find yourself bouncing around the kitchen to Rihanna and you've found love, in a hopeless place. Duh duh du, de da da, duh duh du. Repeat. But it's that ascending, escalating run of beats from Calvin Harris that just has you getting crazier and crazier, shaking the hair and swinging your arms, thinking it can't go on any more surely, it's reaching its peak anytime now! BANG! And you're off again, taking wider steps around the dining room now, crouching down and jumping back up again. Shaking that ass! Jumping up and down on the spot. Repeat! "I'm alive!!!" And it's great!!!

It's the "after the storm" feeling when you realize how unwell you had been feeling. Hang on, stop the bus right now before I write anymore.... I'm gonna stop this writing in the third person malarkey right now. It's ME that has realized that it's only after the storm of illness, when I am feeling better, that I have actually been feeling very unwell and definitely NOT my usual self. That sounds clearer now. Sorry. Must write better. Innit?

It's a "pattern of behavior" (Note: this is one of my favorite phrases as some of you may already know. It means I've actually bothered to do some observing, reflecting and planning of what to do before I can say that phrase. Love that phrase cos it means I rarely make shit up on the spot about people). A pattern of behavior that I've noticed about how I cope with illness. Ive been quiet and not blogging for over a week now and it's because "I've not been feeling well". I can say that now because I now know that how I WAS feeling over the last week or so was not like how I am feeling today, i.e., Well again. Today the sun is energizing me not draining me. Today I felt like I wanted to do the washing not that I felt I ought to do the washing. Today I flung all the windows open - not close the curtains. Today I played the iPod real loud and danced around the kitchen but last week I couldn't bare the sound of music. I didn't switch it on from one day to another. Music, that thing that I love, that thing I can't live without, the thing that I depend on to pull me back into my happy place when I'm lost and scared and .... ILL. I couldn't stand it last week. 

What I have learnt about myself during this last bout of illness and recovery is that I don't have to know the reason why I'm "feeling" unwell. It's ok to just not feel well and out of sorts. It's allowed. I have to acknowledge and ACCEPT that for some reason my body is telling me that I need rest. I have to be more aware of how I am FEELING right now and then adapt to what my body needs right now. I have been through too much to try to shortcut the recovery. This is part of my new mantra for the new me. I am trying to stop thinking about how I SHOULD be feeling and just try to be in the present and be more in tune with what I need right now in terms of both physical and mental TLC. 

I think this is an important lesson I have learnt about myself. I guess it comes back to taking health for granted. You can end up totally screwed if you do that. Overall you could say I am not like that but I know myself and I know I can do better at keeping myself well. I just gotta recognize the signs and accept that all superheroes need to recharge their batteries. 

Flap Update:

Flappy is just over 2 months of age now. I am off the oral antibiotics thank the Lord Jesus and all the Saints! No more 3 nightly trips to pee during the night. Hanging out for a single decent nights kip. My appetite is back on board now as I am not fueling up 3 times a day on the antibiotic equivalent of battery acid, Flucoxacillin and its stable companion Probenecid (which is also a treatment for gout?!). I am still needing a lie down at 2pm each day so not quite got the stamina of a stallion back yet. Flappy had a check up with the surgeon yesterday. As I am off the antibs we now have the "wait and see" approach in terms of further infections in the area. I'm having an ultrasound in the next couple of weeks to see if the gap that housed the bugs has shrunk or if there's still a wee house in there waiting for new residents to move in. Hoping it has been demolished and my new anatomy has re-jiggled itself to prevent any further infections. Only time will tell I guess. But I'm not gonna live with that monkey on my back. Me and J have vowed that we will deal with it if it comes back and share the vigilance that will be needed to ensure we get to ED ASAP at the first sign of trouble in the flap.

Other News:

Got to visit the lovely South Island city of Dunedin last weekend. It was NZ fashion week and there were several iD events on in town. I went to a talk by the NZ designer Kate Sylvester who spoke about which artists influence her collections which was really refreshing to see in terms of her creative process. Went to the beautiful Aromoana. St Clair Beach was a favorite too. Managed to fit a lot in between sleeping for half the day! Do you now I went shopping, not that bought anything just 6 balls of wool!, and I walked for 3 hours! I came back and felt like I needed a hip replacement! It made me think of my poor mom who I would walk the length of corporation street in Birmingham, in and out of C&A shopping all day long on a busy Saturday! No wonder she looked knackered at the end of it. I know how she feels now! Here's some photos of my few days away... Nice to be back writing again, thanks for reading....

 

Simply Saturday

Superhero food

Simply Saturday has been a blissful day out in Wellington spent with my man J. Brunch at Scopa on Cuba Street was deadly. I was hanging out for my usual, Gambaretti pizza (fluffy prawns, chilli and garlic) and roasted potatoes, which we normally get in the evening. But it was brunch time and so we switched to Scopa Eggs Bene with bacon for me and Abruzzo eggs (chilli scrambled eggs) for J. Wow! My eggs came on a hash brown which had a lovely splash of chilli which was soooo unexpected but totally divine! J's Abruzzo was killer hot for me but hit the hot spot for himself. Lovely lovely! Then we went to see "Deadpool" at the Embassy. Absolutely perfect movie to see today! Deadpool is a Marvel superhero with attitude. My kinda attitude. Thinking I may have to switch red suits and go over to the dark side, put Ironman on the rack for awhile and go parteeee as Deadpool. Loved the one liners referencing sinead o'connor too. Loved that movie. Totally stinking. There's a much censored link to the trailer below. Go see it! 

Click here for link to trailer for Deadpool

Keep on keeping on

Film therapy. Is there such a thing? Well I just googled it and there it is! You can do an online course in cinema therapy to learn how to use the power of movies in the therapeutic process. I'm not sure the DVDs I chose for my duvet day would count towards therapy. "Dark Places" is a book written by Gillian Flynn, the author of Gone Girl. I must admit that I did get the book out of the library but wasn't in the right headspace to read it, it was a bit scary and I didn't wanna add to the drug induced hallucinations I was getting at night. So I saw they'd made a movie and thought I could handle that one. Charlize is in it so gotta be good. She's the sole survivor of a family massacre which her brother has been imprisoned for based on her testimony when she was 7. 20 years on and she's pulled into a "kill club", a group of crime enthusiasts who want to prove that her brother is innocent. Sounds ok doesn't it? Well the flashback story got a bit weird and satanic and druggy. It was getting a bit too unrealistic for a 1985 storyline. And then the cows got hit.  I had to turn it off, midway through. Slaughtering cows in the name of Satan? Sweet God really? Charlize what were you thinking? You looked like you had just stepped out of Mad Max in your lunch hour to make this movie. My hunch is there will be some kind of child abuse going on somewhere in that story. Glad I switched it off. And I didn't issue you a spoiler alert cos it's a crap film and you're not gonna watch it! 

Cleaning therapy. It doesn't exist according to Google. But I cleaned the house anyway and it felt good. It felt even better when J came in and asked "did you Hoover up today?" "Yeah!" "Tut" he says, "you should be taking it easy". I'm glad the place is all nice and clean for the weekend. More time to watch crap movies!

"Wait and see"

"Wait and see". That's what one of my lovely plastic surgeons told me today. I'm a whole 8 weeks post surgery, whoop whoop. Whoop de freakin whoop alright. Two months down the line just one month off the 3 month milestone. How am I doing? Am I on track? Am I where we expected me to be? Have I reached all your expectations? What would we do differently if we did it all again? What did we learn? I feel like one of my own freakin experiments....And the conclusion is that further work may still be required. WTF??!!?? 

To be absolutely honest here I'm having a day of devastation. Not to be confused with degustation although I would much prefer a feeding frenzy right now of wonderful gourmet delights all packaged up in easy to eat bite sized bundles of lushness! I'm getting side tracked here sorry. Those mini burgers or freshly made pakora. Oops. Sorry. Back to the feelings of desolation, frustration, anxiety, and the "what about me, it isn't fair, la de de da la de da da da". So I rock up to the dressing clinic this morning to get flappy's hole checked out and have a post hospital-stay chat with one of the Docs. The good news is that the wee hole that squirted the pus has healed nicely thanks to a wee bit of silver. So just keeping that covered and clean. The Doc sat down and told me the scans that were taken at the time of the infection showed a gap beneath the hole that they are concerned about. The gap may just heal itself if it is shallow enough or it may hang around and decide to grow a few more bug cocktails. We'll have to "wait and see". In the meantime, I'm on the antibs for another week until I go back to see Dr J who is most likely to stop them so we can "wait and see". 

So there are two possible outcomes of the "wait and see" approach that I can figure. The first and most hopeful is that we'll keep waiting and we will see no infection. If I were to draw what that feels like it would look like this:

The second option is that after maybe two weeks, or it could be six, who knows? I'll wake up one day and my neck will look like it's on fire. I could be anywhere in the country or in the world or I could be sitting still at home, "waiting and seeing". If this happens it will be a visit to ED but this time treatment will involve draining and cleaning out the gap, then sticking it together to close it. And this would involve another surgery..... You know the score, the "I'm awake" fiber optic intubation and the needle in the neck to relax the epiglottis so the breathing tube can go down. At least we know how to safely send me to sleep now. I'll know what to expect. Experienced hands. So it took me the drive from the hospital to straighten my head around all of this devastation and turn it around to be something manageable and not so devastating. 

I'm not usually down for too long, emotionally. I just need time to process. Can be ten minutes or a day under the duvet. Today it was both. Ten minutes in the car and then the afternoon under the duvet. I'm tired today. Getting up to pee 3 times a night cos of the Stabilising drug is a factor but not the only one. I'm mentally exhausted from trying to be on top of everything that's been happening to me. Trying to be one step ahead all the time. I'm feeling pretty yuk and over it to be honest. It feels like I have to reset the clock and start over again. Slowly slowly. But then I also have to keep hold of hope. Can't let that go. Cos there is a lot of hope in this latest news. And I know I am unable to be down for long cos I am a superhero aren't I? But for today, I'm mainly feeling devastated so I'm going back to the duvet with my cheese and crackers.