Visitation by the Priest
You know you're feeling better when all you can think of saying is "well Father do you think Spotlight deserved the Oscar?". It was me own fault - hanging onto some indoctrinated catholic guilt there are we reenie? - when I filled out the form for admission for surgery I ticked Roman Catholic. There was another box to tick if you wanted a visit from a priest which I left blank. I have had two different visitors come up to see me despite my preference not too. Why did I declare I was RC? its not like I'm actively engaged with the church anymore. I actually can't relate to the organized religion and haven't done since I was about 12. But I've been raised within a Catholic environment and I have my own sense of spirituality which is personal yet overlaps some of the Catholic virtues. I guess I'm a great believer in working from within a group or organization to make changes for the good. Ha, whatever, move over Hilary Clinton! Anyway, there it is I put down RC probably cos I would be damned if I didn't!
When the priest visited our house in the past we'd all hide in the kitchen and not open the front door to him. When mom was in her flat we'd actually have to hide under the kitchen counter to stay out of sight. Bad isn't it? So when the knock at the door came here I had nowhere to hide. There was no visual indication that this was God visiting me. Well you see that's what we were taught to believe, the church is Jesus house and when the priest visits us it's Jesus popping round for a chat. No priest collar or black robe, no bible. Then again Jesus wouldn't have any of those.
I had two visitors on different days. One female and one male. no prizes for guessing which one was the priest. Each had completely different approaches. Ok so there was probably a 30 year age difference which may have influenced their outlook. But essentially what they had in common was being Catholic and giving communion if you wanted it. Wonder how many takers they had for the dry wafer, sorry, that would be body of Christ, in a ward made up mostly of patients with throat issues? So, with the lady I felt comfortable talking about what I'd been through because she was interested, she was compassionate, she listened to me. I talked openly and positively. I felt good afterwards. Yep she asked if I wanted to receive communion, I declined. She said no problem. It was a friendly experience and I'd talk to her again. She was going in for her own surgery soon so she shared her thoughts on that with me. It was a two way normal conversation. Like you would have with a friend although I did feel I needed to drop in a few choice examples of how I feel I'm a good citizen and how we are Godparents etc, she chuckled, "I'm sure you are a good person Serena".
Today was the male visitor. He introduced himself as the chaplain, Father D, and asked me how I was today. I said really good. He seemed surprised and repeated "you feel really good oh?". Yeah I do. We did the where do you live question. I just gave one word answer. But with the lady I went into details about where we come from ,etc. He was old school And I could feel it as soon as he started talking. Patronizing. When he asked about communion I said no thanks. He asked again and I said nah it's been a while. He said "God's not looking down his nose at you" - no, but you are you smug little man. "You can still take communion" - er, aren't you forgetting a sacrament there now Father, like confession now? I could feel resentment building up the more he went on. "I want you to think about bringing God into your marriage". Mmmmmm and how would you suggest I do that exactly? "you see at the end, we all will get to the end, the only thing we can take with us is God". Flipping eck. I offered up our Christmas Eve trip to mass albeit a little bashfully but he wasn't listening. I could've got me soap box out and given him a lecture on my approach to spirituality and religion and how I practice those morals in my life. What would be the point? I didn't feel I needed his blessing anyway. He left taking his shiny cream waist huggers with him.
I felt the bile rise in my throat for the years of resentment I have had for this institute. Not only has it failed to evolve and adapt to this world we live in but it's been exposed as an institute that has hidden decades of paedophilia from its loyal believers and it's still standing. This man, Father D, represented this institute and although he probably wasn't a paedophile, I couldn't see beyond that because of his patronizing, oppressive behavior. The Catholic Church needs an extreme makeover. It needs more representatives like the lady who I met. Good luck to it I hope it finds a leader who is has some experience in change management. In the meantime, I'm thinking of conducting an experiment, I might tick one of the other religions next time and see what I think of the experience. Kerchang!
If you haven't seen Spotlight the movie get it on DVD cos I don't think it was the best film of 2015 but it was a palatable documentation of how the Boston priest abuse scandal opened the can of worms.
Still loving the way you write! Very glad you're feeling better and may be home soon.
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