Compartmentalisation

twas the night before surgery and all through the house, not a creature was stirring not even a mouse.

The cats gone mad mind. Howling away to himself. Poor Woody. He's displaced. Been a bit bitey tonight. Bad cat.

Nil by mouth from midnight. No fluids after 6am. Check-in at Koru lounge at 7am. Flight to New York at 9am. 10 hour flight on the narcotics express arriving in the High Dependency Unit in time for dinner. 7 night stay in the Holiday Inn. Perfick. Note added January 21st: not actually going to New York, that's just my favorite place, my happy place, the place I'll go to in my dreams, when the monsters come. Surgery is in Hutt hospital, Wellington, New Zealand. 

Compartmentalization. That's my coping mechanism. I'll wake up on the day and deal with what's right in front of me. It's just a day right, one day, 8 hours of my life when I won't be in control. That is totally achievable. Achievable because we've spent the last 14 years deliberating, analysing, questioning, considering, risk-benefitting the f*** out of this puppy until we can say, in all honesty that we are READY!!! Which is great. But what about the feelings, can't control those, that's not in the PowerPoint. So we watched Inside Out (watch it citizens of the world!) and now I can visualize Joy and Sadness, Fear and Anger! They're like old friends. Perfick.

THANK YOU

To everyone who has read this blog, joined the site, sold their souls to mr Google, I thank you. Thank you for taking the time to make a comment - just a note that if you don't see your comment appear immediately it's because it's In a queue waiting for me to approve it for publication. Please follow me, subscribe for email updates, keep reading my blog cos I am loving writing it. Thanks for all your warm thoughts and words of support and encouragement. 

I have an army of love-soldiers behind me. We march the morrow!

Specially for J: "Are you afraid to die, Spartacus?" "No more than I was to be born"