A year on ... 2017

 

Well I couldn't let this day go by without a post could I? It would be rude not to. Its been a whole year since that day in January, that Thursday, the longest day for J, the shortest for me (gotta love those air heads they sure know how to fool ya into thinking you've only just closed your eyes!). The day of surgery, dun, dun, dunnnnnnnnnnnn! It feels really good to look back and smile a year on. We've had a true rollercoaster of a year, ups and downs, our hardest yet as a couple but we've grown even closer and have renewed strength and hope and sheer f*ckin JOY to be here today, a year on.

We've been doing alot of, "babe do you remember this time last year... " over the last few weeks. The weeks before Christmas 2016 when it all kicked off and we were terrified into silence, not able to talk about what we were facing to anyone but each other. We held each other up during those weeks. We held onto each other in the weeks that followed. But that day, D-day (check the post, Jan 14th), we were each alone. We each had a job to do, a fear to face, an unknown that day. We still held each other up right until we parted, right until i walked that walk down to theatre, without him, without my rock. I left him behind. I left him. I left him to cope alone, without knowing whether I would return to him. Without knowing whether I would survive. I left him. Leaving him was the hardest part. It broke my heart that day.

The BESTest part was waking up in ICU and not believing that it was all done, that intubation was a success and I had got through the operation and it was a success and i was not dead. Yes ladies and gentlemen, THAT was the bestest bit. Of course I had to get the OFFICI AL OK from J, cos I'm not gonna believe the expert nursing staff! Ha! No way baby! "Awesome!"

Funny how some stuff sticks with you for a lifetime and other stuff you just flick through in that memory book in your brain. I was clearing out my photos on my ipad this week and low and behold there is a whole series of shots of me and flappy covered in caramel glug - the eruption from the infection! All caught on camera. Yuk! Seemed really relevant at the time as I sat confined to bed in the Plastics ward showing the Docs on the 7.45am ward round. They must've thought I was a freak man. A geek freak for sure.

One thing I have learnt that I hold onto and try to remind myself everyday is that one day I will not be here. When you die you are gone. You and your beautiful mind and your funny ways are gone. I know that sounds obvious but I really dont think too many people actually feel what that is like. Its a thought that totally stops me in my tracks and I actually feel it. That loss. That sense of OMG I wont be here. I wont think anymore. I wont exist. I know it sounds obvious but it shocked me!It shocks me each time. I get in the car and Im like, I could die and then I wont ever be here again to hug, love, laugh, talk, dance, sing (badly), annoy everyone. Anyhow, maybe its PTSD from having to face potential surgery failure/death/meet your maker and then SURVIVE. But its definitely a thing I have and it does help me appreciate even those shitty days we all have when we really dont wanna talk to anyone and wanna watch SUITS all day long. Which reminds me, I am Still only on series 1 so I reckon I'm owed at least 12 duvet days to catch up!

Anyhow, think on brethren, take it from me, live each day like its your last. Love a little bit more, be kind, smile. Do that thing you've always wanted to do ...

Which is what I'm doing right! So im enrolled at The Learning Connexion, even got myself a Scholarship to part cover my fees, BOOM! Im all set for February 7th. Heres where you'll find me;;;;

In the meantime, me and my beautiful niece hit it hard with ...

And that elephant in the room got a makeover ...

So 2016 was a hard year and we were happy to see it go. But there were some beautiful moments last year that I will always remember...

 

There are many many more memories from 2016 that I could share but really, do you have the time?

After all, time is the most precious gift we can give so dont go wasting those lovely life seconds reading this old shite! Get connecting people! Lets shake the hell out of 2017 (oops! Delete delete delete!!! Reference to earthquake ugh! Thats a whole other post baby!). Seriously, keep making the most of these days we have, whatever they end up looking like, there's good in each and everyday we just gotta take the time to feel it.